I'm really scared for the future. Somehow, i have no doubt in my mind that i'll go the US to further my studies, and that i'm going soon, but i'm scared thinking about how i'll perform. High school was so simple in the sense that i didn't get a choice to do what i wanted to. Now that there's such a vast variety of things i can take up, i find myself constantly thinking things like what if i fail or whether or not i'll be any good at what i do and i hate that. It also does not help that i'm conflicted between my heart and my... parents. Listening to Such Gold's Sycamore makes everything clear to me but unfortunately, things aren't that easy.
I've always maintained that it isn't about money for me, and it truly isn't because i just want to be happy for the rest of my life. Waking up in the morning to go to a job in which my heart lies and my passion is fiery. We all know what that job is. God, now i have three or four courses to choose from, that have piqued my interests. I need expert opinion but time is running out because an answer is expected by this Monday. I'm 80% set on this one particular course but i'm still doubting myself. Mel says i shouldn't worry about my capabilities because i am what i believe in and if i believe that i'll excel, i will. She's right, of course. When is she ever wrong? But i don't want to make a mistake that will cost me my life and happiness. That is what i fear most.
- Lat.
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